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(no subject) [Oct. 4th, 2006|09:37 pm]
Hi, can someone please help locate some sunglasses like these Ashley has been wearing? Or does anyone happen to know the designe?

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ashley's camo hat [Dec. 12th, 2004|12:45 pm]
hey girls,
just letting you know i saw a camo hat just like ashley's at Hot Topic the other day. I didn't ask how much it was, but I'm sure it wasn't expensive- they're usually pretty reasonable price-wise.
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it's been awhile.. [Oct. 17th, 2004|07:53 pm]
wow, it's been quite some time since i've felt
the desperation needed to write in this thing.
lately i've been swamped with papers, speeches,
and midterms- but i've also been having tons of
fun going out and stuff to balance it all out. I
dont know though, despite how much i've been
enjoying myself, basking in the dreams i thought
impossible turned reality, i have hit an all-time
low, self-esteem-wise. i just can't figure out what
my problem is. well, i know why. it's because
i'm just so fat these days. i dont know why though.
i mean, its not like i eat pizza all day and stuff my
face with dairy queen and mcdonald's everyday. And,
see, thats the thing, is i know people who do do that
and they dont gain any weight. i'm stuck in a time warp
where i still mentally see myself as the 100 pound
stick i was 2 years ago. so im constantly confused as
to why guys dont talk to me and look at me like they
used to. and then it hits me, "oh yeah- duh..you're
fat, why would anyone want to look at you?" it's such
a sad, pathetic process that i go though multiple
times a day. i've been on the damn low-carb diet for
so long, and really, even though i dont follow it
religiously (due to my drinking habits), i restrict so
many things when it comes to eating. i havent had pizza
or fast food in, i cant even remember when. and everyone
else eats that crap and doesnt gain a pound. my favorite
pasttime, shopping- its absolute torchure these days, to
actually have to walk around and look at barely there
shorts and cute little shirts, only imaging how gross i
would look in them (because Lord knows, i've made the
mistake one too many times of actually taking the time to
try things on). this idea or fear or OBSESSION absolutely
rules my life. i have no one to talk to about it. the only
person who even knows about it is lowell and all he ever
says is "you arent fat, you're beautiful, blah blah blah"..
and really, thats all i hear "blah blah blah", it goes in
one ear, out the other. until i look in the mirror and am
happy with myself, i will be unhappy. i just dont know how
to get there. i mean, unless i turn into a hermit, stop
drinking, and never go out, i'm going to be faced with beer
and alcohol which is the only thing i can think of thats
making me this fat. i need to go on a strict diet so i can
lose this and be happy again. i think im going to start
fasting again. i went grocery shopping today and bought a
bunch of low-calorie foods, but i just know that unless i
dont eat, i wont lose this weight fast enough. it sucks
though, because when i used to fast over summer, i remember
how bitchy and moody i was, and it just made me unhappy. but
i mean, nothing can be worse than being fat and nasty like i
am right now. my cheeks are bloated and chubby, my legs are
butch and stalky, my stomach has like 6 rolls now, my arms
have ripples on them , even my feet are looking fat. i just
disgust myself. and thats why i cant figure out why i dont
stop eating. i need some adderol or something, i dont know.
i'm desperate at this point.
desperate to be skinny.
desperate to be pretty.
desperate to be happy.
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(no subject) [Aug. 27th, 2004|09:46 pm]
& hearts
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(no subject) [Aug. 27th, 2004|09:45 pm]
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heck yeah [Aug. 25th, 2004|11:12 am]
Would anyone want to bang you? by phobia
Favorite Food:
Wants to Bang you:
This many times:165
Quiz created with MemeGen!
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(no subject) [Aug. 24th, 2004|12:27 am]
[mood |groggygroggy]
[music |garden state sdtk]

well here I am. it's what i've been wanting for a whole year now.
it hasn't yet sunk in i dont think. I haven't really been able to settle in enough to decide what i think.
saw garden state last night, after what seemed like an eternity of anticipation. it was really good. it just made sense... especially to me, right now. this past year, well really summer, i've had so much desire for self-discovery, and a need to explore this thing we call life. it's really only made me more confused, but it's been good.
lowell and i are having some pretty serious problems. ever since we got here, and really the whole past week we've been together 24/7 and i just get really irritated with seeing anyone too much, but sheesh i have been going out of my mind.
i'll get annoyed with something he does, he then realizes my mood has changed, consequently badgering and nagging me to have an analytical conversation as to why my mood has changed, what's bothering me, what he can do to reverse this, etc. it's ridiculous. i mean, i feel bad, because he does so much for me and it's taking me back to the days when i'd ask kevin to do something for me and then we'd get into a fight or something, so he'd say that i was just "using" him for whatever. i try not to let lowell do nice things for me for that exact reason, but he absolutely insists, so i let him, and the sick cycle continues. anyway, hopefully once he gets back to work, it'll make the time we spend together more sacred.
i ran into lucy and amy yesterday downstairs so that was cool, maybe i'll hang out with them sometime. and then i saw allison angerman today at school, very random, but it was good to see her. she's a pretty cool kid.
i have to go back to shally for labor day weekend to check out my car and stuff so maybe by then i'll have a firm grasp on just how i feel about this move.
i'm exhausted. headed to bed.

why do i still love him?
i wish i didn't..

or just that he loved me back.
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let go [Aug. 15th, 2004|11:41 pm]
[mood |overwhelmed]
[music |Let Go]

well it's almost that time of the year again.
back to school.
back to a new school that i've never been to before, along with a huge city i've never lived in.
de ja vu.
anywho, i started packing a little bit tonight.
lowell's gone again, to st. george island this time, and then we leave for orlando on wednesday morning.
i want to see this garden state movie so badly. i am about to freak out because i cannot find it playing ANYWHERE. the closest i've found is Miami. i seriously will drive down there if it doesn't come nearer.
i've been listening to the soundtrack for a couple days now. it caught my ear a few months back when i first saw the preview for it while seeing another movie. it has this awesome song during the short trailer and it just makes me so happy when i hear it. the movie, from what i've heard and read, is like the epitome of my life and the feelings and confusion i feel all the time. it's just one of those movies that touch you and it's just REAL. i can't wait to experience it.
anyway, this song that i speak of is called "Let go". after falling in love with it and ultimately listening to it oh, i'd say about 367 times the past couple days, i stopped to analyze the song and it's title. let go. those two words could be applied to almost every aspect in my life right now. i took this personality disorder test online the other day, and it was just crazy how many of the questions i answered yes to (indicating a disorder) and even some i didn't answer yes to that i knew i should've because i really did feel that way. it made me realize how introverted i am and how i'm constantly paralyzed by fear of people. anyway, who cares. i am a disordered girl. i know that by now.
yesterday i was in the best mood, and then i watched the movie 21 Grams last night, and man did that make me depressed. i wanted to go to church today but i have no car, so that sucked. i am about to go insane being cooped up in this house 24/7.
i can't belive summer's over, but i'm pretty glad it is. this summer has been the ultimate bomb, that's for sure. it's been boring, and just GAY.
that's all for now.
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(no subject) [Aug. 13th, 2004|12:01 am]
[music |motorcycle driveby]

When I came to visit you
That's when I knew
That I could never have you
I knew that before you did
Still I'm the one who's stupid


i feel bad.
whats new.
earlier, for some reason, something sparked an emotional tinge in me. and before i knew it, an avalanche of buried worries and anxieties were arising all around me. i hate when that happens.
for the most part, lately i haven't been really thinking about much, not analyzing every last thing like i'm used to doing. this is how i push things away so i don't have to deal with them.
i've said it before, and i still think so, that i'm better off doing that. i'm not as anxiety-ridden and depressed.
God, I don't know what happened to me.
I used to be such a happy, positive person.
how did i go from that to being this depressed, gloomy person?
i can't attribute it all to lost love.
oh well, despite my negative mood, i really am excited about moving to o-town. it seems like there are just so many more oppurtunities there, and of course, so many more people. that means, more people to meet, and more people that i can relate to. anyway, lowell's down there right now, and what i meant to start this entry off with was that i felt bad for being so rude and short with him earlier.
i just got really upset about WHATEVER it is i get upset about so frequently and i didn't want to talk to him. of course he, being the concerned friend that he is, wants to fix it and and consequently overcorrects by being annoyingly nice and just ends up irritating me to an even greater extent than i was before our convo. but i mean, of course, he's only trying to help. as always.
anyway, tomorrow i get my rental car, get my hair done ---THANK GOD!, and then i think im gonna have some folks over bc i found out my girl Kayley is in town and plus it'll be one of the last nights all of us see eachother before the big move.
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(no subject) [Aug. 3rd, 2004|03:49 pm]
[mood |goodgood]
[music |tiger lily-matchbook romance]

wellllllll more good news to attatch to this joke that is Kristyn's life.
went to albertson's to exchange the regular cherry coke my mom bought by mistake instead of diet cherry coke, and whatta ya know- i get into yet another wreck. of course it wasn't my fault, but that doesn't seem to overshadow the fact that this is the third wreck i've been in since i got my car less than a year ago, all of which were "not my fault". we're still dealing with the remnants of the incident where mame's mom ran into it, and now i've gotta tell my dad that it happened again. ugh i'm so annoyed.
anyway, on a lighter note, i've been doing well today. i had some watermelon, a few grapes, 2 cups of coffee, and a 10 calorie jello cup.
everyone's beginning to trickle away, off to college. i'm really looking forward to moving to orlando. it just seems so excited. it's like off to a big city where there's always something happening and that's really intriguing to me. i hope all these expectations i'm having actually occur.
anywho, lets see, anything new...mm, not really. lowell and i watched this retarded movie called "Fargo" last night. apparently it's like 84th on AFI's 100 best movies list. it was probably the most pointless and uneventful movie i have ever wasted my time on. so yeah that was gay. o yeah, more gayness in the fact that i woke up at 7 am this morning to register for classes and of course, they're all full and there's some sort of problem as usual with registering. i think tiff and i may hang out tonight, perhaps with evan and company, but who knows. tomorrow i may go get some hours in working with the mother. good times.
other than all that, life is going pretty smoothly. o yes, and that letter i wrote to teen vogue, attacking them for their contradictory ways of addressing eating disorders by attempting to empathize and reach out to those with anorexia and distorted body images in their lame articles, while reinforcing those disorders by advertising extreme skinniness as a positive thing on their endless pages of 85-pound models. wellll, i got an email saying it's being published in the next teen vogue. im really excited about that, because it's something i feel very strongly about, and i have for a long time now. it was quite blunt and perhaps rude, but it's all true. so anyway, i'll be looking out for that. toodloo.
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